I took a weekend off, completely
This weekend I did something, I haven’t done for a while: I took the whole weekend off. Not just in actions, but also in thoughts. A reflection on feminine leadership, what it truly means to live according to your feminine nature and how we sometimes betray ourselves.
It’s Saturday morning. Cuddled up next to the love of my life I slowly bat my eyes open.. weekend. Yes. We hug, kiss. I feel a huge urge of happiness move through my body. This is my life. My love. My partner. Infinite gratitude for this love washes through every cell of my body. I get into the shower and within the glimpse of a moment, all those happy feelings are gone. Eliminated. “Shit, did I forget to send this email?”, a flash through my body. “Not much money came in yet.. can I really enjoy this weekend how I wanted to. Maybe I should…”. Thinking about business, money, to do’s, my heart and whole body shrinks. I completely contract. Sadness and pain.
It's this moment in which I took a decision (I always tell my clients that this is how it starts – no matter how annoying it sounds): I’m done doubting and worrying. I have this one amazing life. That I now share with my partner with whom I have the time of my life. I am fucking done! I breath deep down into my womb, moving into Yogic breath how I learned it in my YTT. I move my hips. And everytime my mind wants to start intervening again, I return to the practice of brining all breath and energy into my lower body: The seat of the feminine.
Throughout the whole weekend, I repeat this whenever I need. I consciously relax my face, jaw, body and legs while chilling on the sofa. I breathe in life as if my life fucking depends on it.
And my heart blossoms open.
There are moments I cannot even contain the beauty of this love. Of this life. We laught, we have fun, we cuddle, we kiss, we cook the most amazing food. Two family brunches, filled with love, heart-openness and joy. An afternoon of watching my kind playing soccer. I enjoy every moment of it as my moon blood swiftly arrives.
The first day of my bleed is intense. I tell my best friend that I’m “bleeding liters”. All my energy leaves my body. I sleep for hours. Monday morning I stay in bed as my love starts his working day from the dining room table. I stay in deep surrender. Not moving too much.
As I am writing this its Tuesday, 1pm. My energy is slowly showing her sweet face again. Impulses from my womb, that before were blurry and not being able to put into word shoot up my heart and straight into my fingers.
This whole weekend got me thinking about how often we actually are “being” – yet we are still all up in our minds, have to’s, should’s, fears… Worrying if the money will come, the clients, thinking about all to do’s.
And we might even use those moments to share some of that massage/hot cacao/other sexy things photos on Instagram, to give off the façade of being “embodied in the feminine”, but how much of it is really truy? Is ask this myself and you.
What do I need to drop deeper, trust more?
How can I allow myself to be even more honestly and truly?
What would happen if I didn’t care about how I look on Social Media and truly would savor my life?
Feminine leadership starts where we take full responsibility on how we be – not how we are perceived from the outside world. And I can feel that right now is the moment where many women are ready to go deeper on this.
How do you receive this invitation? What wants to change? Come through differently? What do you need to let go in order to actually be able to be?
I invite you to ponder on these questions.
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